My personal beliefs are rooted in Christianity. However, there is a distinction I would like to make. I do not refer to my beliefs by using the term 'religious'. I do not go to church. In fact, I believe that Jesus would despise the entire institution of religion, and the outright evil that man has corrupted the very core of Christianity into while proclaiming it all to be in the name of God.
The whole purpose of spirituality is that it is supposed to be highly personal. It is your personal journey in finding yourself and figuring out life that is entirely between you and God. It is no one else's business to have any say in. That is also why I never talk about my faith. In fact, you would never suspect that I was even remotely Christian unless I outright told you. But I just did, so... surprise! Anyway, moving on...
I was raised Christian, but I hated being told what to feel and think so much that I rebelled against the entire notion of believing any of it, thus calling myself an "ex-Christian" for a decade. I hated the feeling of being controlled and judged. I felt constricted, like I was suffocating. I was always terrified that any little thing I did would send me to Hell.
What begun this change? Where I live, everyone is a Christian. I had never met anyone that wasn't. My mother has lived here her entire life and had also never met an atheist. However, my worldview was suddenly challenged when I started using the internet. I'd soon see that the vast majority of people I'd meet on the internet were, surprisingly, atheists.
So for the past decade, I have done things on my own. It has been so unbelievably difficult. I had horrific existential crisises nearly every night for so many years. I was always scared. I just wanted to end it all. Trying to live a life where there was no hope and that death was truly the end, It felt wrong. It felt not right. But I adamantly refused to ever even entertain the thought of going back to Christianity.
However, I ended up realizing that what I truly hated was the church and organized religion aspect of it. I didn’t want to be a part of that. I believe that what we know as Christianity is nowhere near 100% correct. I truly think that no one is ever meant to know. For me personally, though, the closest answer to my heart is rooted in Christianity.
My least favorite word is "goodbye", and my favorite is "forever".
The whole purpose of spirituality is that it is supposed to be highly personal. It is your personal journey in finding yourself and figuring out life that is entirely between you and God. It is no one else's business to have any say in. That is also why I never talk about my faith. In fact, you would never suspect that I was even remotely Christian unless I outright told you. But I just did, so... surprise! Anyway, moving on...
I was raised Christian, but I hated being told what to feel and think so much that I rebelled against the entire notion of believing any of it, thus calling myself an "ex-Christian" for a decade. I hated the feeling of being controlled and judged. I felt constricted, like I was suffocating. I was always terrified that any little thing I did would send me to Hell.
What begun this change? Where I live, everyone is a Christian. I had never met anyone that wasn't. My mother has lived here her entire life and had also never met an atheist. However, my worldview was suddenly challenged when I started using the internet. I'd soon see that the vast majority of people I'd meet on the internet were, surprisingly, atheists.
So for the past decade, I have done things on my own. It has been so unbelievably difficult. I had horrific existential crisises nearly every night for so many years. I was always scared. I just wanted to end it all. Trying to live a life where there was no hope and that death was truly the end, It felt wrong. It felt not right. But I adamantly refused to ever even entertain the thought of going back to Christianity.
However, I ended up realizing that what I truly hated was the church and organized religion aspect of it. I didn’t want to be a part of that. I believe that what we know as Christianity is nowhere near 100% correct. I truly think that no one is ever meant to know. For me personally, though, the closest answer to my heart is rooted in Christianity.
My least favorite word is "goodbye", and my favorite is "forever".